Friday, May 4, 2012

Male nude: The Story of Adam and Ed. And the snake..

As promised, the proper male nude art ... Adam and the Snake -- uploaded at full pinup size, if you'd like to indulge yourself. This springs off a post on the main blog, and the story went like this:

It has been said (it is written?) that if God had wanted to avoid the problem altogether, he should have created Adam and Ed, rather than Adam and Eve...

Uh huh. 'Tis a little-known fact that his almightiness did indeed create Adam and Ed first. And guess what happened next?

"Pssssst," said the snake.

"Who, me?" Adam was looking around for something to polish an apple on, and not finding anything really useful about his person, because he had no pockets. Or jeans. Or undies, come to that. "I say, you haven't got a bit of rag, have you, Snake?"

"Rag?" demanded the snake. "Do I look like the kind of creature who goes around carrying bits of rag?"

"Well, no," Adam admitted. "Then again, you look kind of sneaky."

"Makes two of us," the snake observed.

"Me? Sneaky?" Adam batted his long, curly eyelashes in outrage.

"Were you," the snake asked, "or were you not told not to eat the apples? You can eat any other bloody thing in this garden but apples, and what are you doing? Scrumping."

"No I'm not," Adam said, too quickly. Then, "Well, yes I am, but he made me do it."


"Ed." Adam idly juggled with the three apples he had picked. "Do you want one? I seem to have a spare."

"Snakes don't eat apples."

"Oh? What do they eat?"

"Mice, rats. Vermin. Odd, don't you think, that there'd be enough vermin in the garden to support a creature the size of me?"

"You are a very beautiful snake," Adam observed, for twas but the truth.

"Don't change the subject!"

"What subject?" Adam was confused, and growing more so.

The snake sighed. "Never mind. It was something about fruit ... speaking of which, has anybody ever told you about the birds and the bees, young man?"

"Birds and bees, we got plenty of," Adam said dolefully. "All they ever do is pollinate and catch flies and make honey and make little birds and bees."

"Hmm," hummed the snake, "you're not quite as dumb as one might have imagined. So, uh, what about you and Ed, then?"

"Me and Ed?" Adam stopped juggling. "What about me and Ed?"

"You ever, uh, make like the birds and the bees?" The snake would have winked, but his eyes had not been designed to permit winking, so he gave Adam a nudge with one of his coils instead.

Adam only shrugged. "Honey makes my teeth ache, and bugs get disgusting when you squash 'em, and we already got enough little bugs and birds. Don't need any more."

"Not," the snake mused, "that you and Ed would be likely to make any little bugs and birds."

"Me and Ed?" Adam snorted. "We're both fellas. Jeez, mate, somebody needs to have a talk to you, before you get any older."

The snake would have slapped a hand over his eyes, if he had possessed hands. This scene was not going as intended. "Let me start again," he said with what patience he could muster, which wasn't much. "Come over here, let me whisper in your ear."

Adam looked suspicious. "What for?"

"Because I'm going to make a few suggestions," the snake said, waggling an eyebrow. "Oh, for godsakes put the damn' apples down and get over here!"

And he whispered into Adam's ear. And Adam's eyes grew round as saucers. And then he turned his back upon the serpent and spake in the direction of the olive groves, from whence cameth the sounds of song, where his countryman was singing in praise of blueberries. And Adam sayeth, while the serpent slithered back into the fronds of the garden,

"Yo! Yo, Ed, get over her -- I got an idea!"

And the rest is history. Or mythology.

Jade, May 4

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